To Be or Not to Be: Stay-at-Home Parent

The topic “To Be or Not to Be” was chosen as my first blog post because let’s face it… the need to let other parents know is important, and if this will be your hopeful path for your family, then it is important to weigh out your options for various reasons. So, let’s get into it!

Life as a stay-at-home parent tends to be showcased as the easiest task to accomplish when you’re on the outside looking in. Those who are experiencing the chaos know all too well that “easy” is a fantasy for the average stay-at-home parent. Don’t let that run you away, though! There are as many perks of being a SAHM as there are struggles.

In this post, I will discuss the various pros and cons of stay-at-home parenthood to help you decide for yourself whether or not it could be beneficial for you and your family. From practical matters, such as time management and finances, to mental well-being because… you can’t take care of your family if you aren’t taken care of.

Is It a Practical Decision?

In today’s world, we are often exposed to the lives of popular stay-at-home mom vloggers through social media. Keeping track of them can be challenging as new names frequently emerge. Yet nearly all of them inspire us with the thought, “If she can achieve it, so can I.” And guess who else might be sharing that sentiment? You likely guessed it—many husbands and partners have embraced the mantra, “If she can do it alone, so can my partner.” They openly express this on social media. However, don’t rush to conclusions; our intention isn’t to criticize their presence. Ultimately, it’s up to you to determine if you can take on this challenge.

Let’s start with the downsides of being a stay-at-home parent:

Please note that some of the things listed here may also be included in the upsides of being a stay-at-home parent.

The Need for Flexibility
- Okay, mamas, let’s be real. You know how it is. You’ve got your day planned, color-coded and everything, ready to conquer that to-do list. Then…BAM! Kid throws up. Naptime goes rogue. Toddler decides today is “no pants day” (and you’re out of clean pants). Sound familiar? Yeah, me too. It’s like kids have a secret meeting where they decide to collectively sabotage all our best efforts at organization. I’ve been there. My own little ones are experts at schedule disruption. Just when I think I’ve figured out a routine, they change the game. Naps disappear, bedtimes become a negotiation, and illnesses? Don’t even get me started. It’s like they have a sixth sense for when I have something important to do. Doctor’s appointment? Cue the sniffles. Playdate planned? Suddenly, everyone’s contagious. It’s a constant juggling act, and sometimes, the balls just come crashing down. The thing is, flexibility isn’t just a nice-to-have for stay-at-home parents; it’s a survival skill. It’s about learning to roll with the punches, adapt to the unexpected, and find joy in the chaos. Because let’s face it, the chaos is inevitable. So, grab a cup of coffee (or wine, no judgment), take a deep breath, and remember you’re not alone. We’re all in this together.
Time Management: Juggling Kids and Chores
- Caring for our little ones is a big job, right? But what about the house that shelters us? Effective time management is crucial for stay-at-home parents. So, let’s think about what tasks you can tackle. Are you part of the early bird club, getting laundry washed, dried and neatly folded before the kiddos blink open their eyes? Maybe your children have a routine that gives you pockets of time to tick off your to-do list? And let’s not forget about the extra hands that might be helping you out, whether they’re inside your home or just a phone call away. How are they pitching in on your daily and weekly chores? Let’s share and learn from each other.
No sick days.
- One of the toughest realities of being a stay-at-home parent? There are no sick days. While a job outside the home might allow you to take a day or two to recover when you’re feeling under the weather, that luxury often doesn’t exist when you’re caring for little ones. Even a simple cold can feel like a monumental challenge when you’re still responsible for meals, playtime, and all the other demands of parenthood. And if everyone gets sick? Well, that’s a whole other level of survival mode. We’ve all been there – trying to care for a sick child while feeling like we’re about to collapse ourselves. It’s exhausting, both physically and emotionally. Having a support system in place for these times is absolutely crucial, whether it’s a partner, family member, or friend who can lend a hand.
Will finances be tight?
- Finances are a big deal. There’s no way around it. When you’re considering becoming a stay-at-home parent, money is often the top concern. Can you make it work on one income? What about unexpected expenses? These are valid questions, and every family’s situation is different. Budgeting is key, and if you’re saving on childcare costs, that’s a huge plus. But it’s also important to be honest with yourself and your partner about your financial comfort level. Money matters, so if you’re saving on childcare, then it’s a great opportunity to put those savings toward an emergency fund.
Career Impact
- If we’re being honest with one another, it’s safe to say that stepping away from your career can be a real sacrifice. You’re rocking the stay-at-home parent role, but it’s possible your professional skills might get a little rusty, and you’ll miss out on potential career advancement and income growth. There’s also the chance that industry trends may change. This isn’t meant to scare you, but it’s a valid consideration. Think about ways to stay connected to your field if re-entry is something you’re considering in the future. You’ve got this, mama!

Can You Handle the Mental Load?

You’ve got the logistics down, or at least you’re working on it. But what about you? What about the mental and emotional work that comes with being a stay-at-home parent? Let’s dive into that now.

It’s 6 AM, your alarm is sounding off, and you hardly got any sleep the night before. Your partner has already left for work to avoid the morning rush hour traffic. Now, it’s just you and your little ones. It’s time to prepare breakfast, pack lunches, and, most importantly, wake the kids up. Who will be too sleepy to get up? Who’s not feeling like going to school today, even though they enjoyed it yesterday? You weren’t eager to leave the comfort of your bed either. School traffic can be just as frustrating as work traffic, but the kids have already taken a “sick day,” and we all know how truancy rules apply.

Consider these examples:

Constant Demands aka The 24/7 Job
- Stay-at-home parents are always on call. Limited downtime and no “off” switch are the norm. Even when the kids are asleep (if they’re asleep!), the mental to-do list continues its relentless scroll: winter coats, school uniforms, supplies, and so on. The never-ending cycle of doing, planning, and anticipating can be exhausting.
It’s An Emotional Rollercoaster
- Let’s be honest, mamas, the emotional side of stay-at-home parenting is intense. Mom guilt, self-doubt, loneliness, feeling isolated, losing your sense of self – it’s a lot to handle, and it can lead to burnout. You’re not alone in feeling this way.
The Unseen Effort
- Being a stay-at-home parent is about so much more than what people see. We’re not just changing diapers and doing laundry. Our brains are constantly running through meal plans, schedules, appointments, and a million other things. We’re anticipating needs, sifting through parenting advice (hello, information overload!), and then trying to decode what the kids are actually trying to tell us before they have a meltdown. It’s exhausting, and it’s all happening behind the scenes.

But What About the Good Stuff?

So, it’s clear that being a stay-at-home parent isn’t always easy. However, focusing only on the cons would be doing a disservice to the many parents who find great joy and purpose in staying home with their children. Let’s talk about the good stuff – the amazing benefits of being a stay-at-home parent:

Reduced Childcare Costs
- Beyond the obvious financial benefits, not having to constantly stress about childcare payments is a huge weight off your shoulders. It frees up so much mental space! You’re not constantly calculating how many hours you can afford or worrying about what happens if daycare closes unexpectedly. I remember when I was getting ready to return to work after my first baby was only eight weeks old, the daycare costs were a major source of anxiety. I was at a poverty income level and had to return to work, taking as many part-time shifts as possible, but the thought of adding daycare expenses on top of everything else was overwhelming. The cheapest daycare quote I received was the same amount as my rent – it was unbelievable! I ended up waiting until my little one was 18 months old before I considered it, and until then, I only made it work with the help of family for childcare. It was also incredibly stressful trying to figure things out along the way due to family having their own family to think about. Being a stay-at-home parent often means saying goodbye to those kinds of obstacles, which is fantastic for both your wallet and your mental health. It’s a little bit of breathing room in a world that can often feel overwhelming, and that’s priceless.
Household Management
- One of the beautiful things about being a stay-at-home parent is that you have the time and the opportunity to truly create a haven for your family. It’s not just about keeping things clean (although that’s definitely part of it!). It’s about making your house a home – a place where everyone feels comfortable, safe, and loved. Think about it: you can finally tackle those home projects you’ve been putting off, you can create a cozy atmosphere, and you can even have time to bake those yummy cookies that make everyone feel warm and fuzzy inside. I personally love to try new things with the kids in our backyard garden. It’s about nurturing your family by nurturing your home.
Child Development
- One of the most wonderful things about being a stay-at-home parent is that you get a front-row seat to all the significant milestones your child reaches. From those first gummy smiles to those wobbly first steps, you’re there to witness it all. It’s like watching a little miracle unfold before your very eyes, and those memories are truly priceless. I remember when my little ones first said “mama” – it just melted my heart! Those moments are pure gold.
Personal Fulfillment
- From the magic of watching our little ones blossom to the satisfaction of building a cozy nest, stay-at-home parenting offers many rewards. But essentially, it’s about the deep personal fulfillment, the quiet joy, and the profound sense of purpose that comes from nurturing the next generation.
Education and Values
- One of the most delightful things about being a stay-at-home parent is that you get to be your child’s first and most influential teacher (and partner in crime!). You’re there to guide their early learning, spark their curiosity, and instill the values that you hold dear (like the importance of a good giggle). It’s not just about ABCs and 123s; it’s about teaching them kindness, compassion, and the art of a well-timed silly face. It’s about shaping not just their minds, but also their hearts (and their sense of humor!). And let’s not forget, the lessons you teach them now? They’ll carry those with them for a lifetime.

Finding Your Balance

Ultimately, the decision to be a stay-at-home parent is deeply personal. There’s no right or wrong answer, and what works for one family may not work for another. It’s about weighing the pros and cons, considering your own values and priorities, and having open and honest conversations with your partner. And remember, mama, you’ve got this! Trust your instincts – you know what’s best for your family. Don’t be afraid to reach out for support if you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsure. There’s a whole community of parents out there who understand what you’re going through, and we’re all in this together. Whether you decide to stay home, go back to work, or find a balance somewhere in between, you’re doing an amazing job, and you’re the perfect parent for your little ones.

From My Heart to Yours

As I wrap up this post, I want to say that being a stay-at-home parent has been one of the most challenging and rewarding experiences of my life. It’s not always easy, but the love, the connection, and the joy make it all worthwhile. Whatever you decide, know that you’re not alone. Trust yourself, mama (or papa!), you’ve got this! Good luck on your journey.